My weight and I

I was trying to lose weight since December of last year to which I managed to shed off the extra 20 lbs. 20 lbs in five months is not bad. I think that it was a healthy time frame, I didn’t need any diet pills. More than that, it was actually a lot than my ideal goal. I decided to do it because for one, I needed to take care of my health. I don’t mean to sound like a health buff (personally, nothing wrong with being one) but sooner or later bad habits—my current lifestyle included, will get the best of me. Secondly, I would want to fit into my old clothes. Not to mention NOT cringing every time I look my self in the mirror and NOT see the extra jiggle. Lastly, (the main reason behind me logging onto calorie king–AND watching Chalene Johnson, is my GERD–or so I think. My doctor says I don’t need any protom pump inhibitors because he thinks I don’t have any reflux disorders (but I still insist on it), but he said losing weight would help my flare-ups. Which, believe it or not, actually helped my gut. You wouldn’t believe what extra pounds off or on can do to your body. I still get squeemish ocassionaly though, but not enough to keep me from calling in sick. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Lately though, my appetite seems to be increasing and I always end up feeling engorged like a female mosquito after feasting on blood.  I totally hate it when I am on a plateu and then I start to gain the weight, or worse–more than what i previously weighed. I am trying to keep the weight off and so far, so good. After all the eating sessions, I still managed to lose a few pounds. I promised myself I would go back to exercising at least twice a week just to keep my metabolism revved up, which I still was not able to do for about two months now. I know, i know. But here’s what– I am moving to a new apartment with a great gym and heated pool and all the perks! It definitely looks a lot like light at the end of the tunnel. I have downloaded every possible adrenaline-inducing beat on my ipod, too. I can’t WEIGHT. No pun intended.

Emotional Banter

This has got to be by far, the most unnerving  point of my life.  Unnerving meaning flummoxed and distracted and unable to concentrate.  If I weren’t twenty five and exchanging emotional banter inbetween motherly hugs with Margarita, you would think I was Alzheimer’s-ey. If there is such a word. I have been really anxious lately that I have been hiccuping twice on one night. The sharp stabs of pain on my right abdomen doesn’t help either. I feel so old. 

I somehow think that everything is going wrong and even if I’d try to make things right, I’d still end up a whooping failure. Everything is a bad joke with me as the rising star. Worse, I can’t do anything right. It’s not even funny that some people mistook my friendliness for some boyfriend-snatching tactic (Oh, please!) or my acts of kindness for weakness and my lability for either shrewdness or silent animosity. It’s insane! It’s enough to make me question myself. Am I somehow sending these people wrong signals? Am I subconsciously trying to antagonize them? I always tell myself I don’t care what they think, which is pretty much most of the time. But somehow, sooner or later It gets to you. And then those little insecurities would creep right back in. I’d step back and examine the whole scenario and hypothesize . Sure, I’d make mistakes. I’m not perfect afterall. But goodness, can’t a girl just be herselF without being judged?

Sometimes I wonder if i’ll ever get to live life without the feeling of walking on eggshells or still voice out opinions without being misquoted, or better yet, shopping whenever or for whatever without much eyebrow-raising. I am not a loner, I refuse to be one. I enjoy my friends’ company and I honest to goodness hope that they enjoy mine. So, I guess there is no reason for me, or us– to stay in the same damn apartment complex and wait it out till everyone decides DIPLOMACY IS THE BEST POLICY. Besides, the thought of doing my laundry at any time in my own place, sure damn suits me fine.

 

 

 

B Is For Boring

It is five minutes after 4 AM and caught up with work. The start of the shift was hell and I was ready to jump out of the window. But then things calmed down a little, and now I am beginning to feel a bit restless with nothing else to do. On previous occasions, before they filtered every possible site on these freakin computers, I was happy and stayed on top the news and kept my little self abstracted.

Now, I’m searching the net for potential stuff to do. The latest: trying to amuse myself with donating grains of rice and improving my vocabulary at the same time.  For each correct defintion,  you actually donate 20 grains of rice to the UN World Food Program. ( log on to www.freerice.com if you babies want to play ). It’s a great way to kill time while actually doing something to help fight the world’s hungry.

As Gary says, When it comes to survival, sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. Grass is not necessarily greener on the other side of the fence and it would be way, way smart if you have got to face what’s being handed to you. Or in my case, going with the flow until I finally reach a riverbank. Or maybe a dead end. Anyhoo, I guess this is the way it’s meant to be. At least for now. As Miss Eeee says, maybe I’ll know so many words in twenty minutes, I’ll have to let my brain down a notch. =P

A Big Fat Whine

I am physically and mentally overwhelmed and overworked. At least that’s how I feel so far.  Physically,  my back is screaming, my heads is throbbing and I get to the point where everything just hurts. My body wants to go on strike.

Obviously, being the idiota that I am, I forgot to wear my back braces which is why my back is killing me. ON top of that, my eyesight is failing me,  which reminds me that I need to pick up my contact lenses from the pseudoclinic. I hope Miss Lynne will be on the counter.  And I hope this time she won’t mistake me for a Vietnamese/Korean tourist again. =) She still says I look like her  grandaughter (which believe it or not–happens a lot!). Oh, she is adorable.

My insides are turning to jelly and the cheddar cheese I ate is making me real antsy. I hope Im not having a bad case of stomach flu. I gotta see Dr. B for my psedoindigestion, as well. He thinks I should lose weight. I think I am sick. Arsheema tells me I am morbid, but I guess anything is possible. I mean, REALLY. Just like some people not taking precautions against being a victim of ID theft simply because they don’t believe it can happen to them until it does. Then you’re screwed. REALLY. I don’t know if this analogy makes sense, but that’s how I see things right now. And I’m not even inebriated.

I tend to do this when I feel frustrated. My mom says I am overly stressed. I say I need to take a break from everything.  And why is it that when you get back from a great vacay, all you say within the next three weeks is that you are stressed and need another vacation? Hahaha. Mukha atang kinagigiliwan ko na itong gawin. Needless to say, I am colossally tired. Either that or I’ve had too much chocolate.